I Just Wanna Know (if you're gonna, if you're gonna stay)
by taylordswift
Summary: Clexa; a bit of smut; a bit of fluff.


It's dark out and Clarke knows she should be sleeping, so that she will not be restless or tired tomorrow. Tomorrow. The day the war against the Mountain Men begins. The plan she has devised is not perfect, and she knows this, but it is the best that she can muster. _But so many things could go wrong_. Her thoughts grow paranoid. _What if Bellamy can't turn off the acid fog? _She can't seem to shake them away. _What if the Mountain Men have a secret weapon we don't know about?_ She just wants to go sleep. _What if I die? _She needs to go to sleep. _What if Lexa dies? _She shoots up from her bed and leaves her tent. The cold breeze hits her and she holds herself close as she walks towards Lexa's tent. She doesn't quite know what she'd doing or why, but when she finally finds herself at the entrance of Lexa's tent, she freezes.

Something is wrong. Something _must_ be wrong. Clarke turns to her sides and finds no one. _Where's Lexa's guard? _There's always a guard. Her heartbeats quicken as her mind fills her with images of the worst possible outcomes; the worst, bloodiest scenes she could find inside. She steps in.

It's darker inside, but she sees movement. Strange shadowed figures, wrestling on each other, pushing, pulling back and forth. Clarke's chest swells up in a desperate need to protect Lexa, and she clutches her dagger, ready to strike as soon as she figures out which figure is Lexa and which is the intruder – until her ears ring to the sound of a pleasure-filled moan.

"Oh!" Clarke yelps, putting the pieces together, frozen in place, wide-eyed and unable to look away. The moaning ceases.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice is almost pure anger, if it weren't for the hint of embarrassment _(of guilt?)_ that Clarke catches.

"I-I'm sorry. I…" she stumbles for words. "I came here to… but you're… I'm sorry." The figure next to Lexa scrambles to her feet, clutching clothes onto her chest as she dashes past Clarke. "No, you don't have to leave… I can go." It's too late.

Lexa, who had been sitting up in her bed, lets herself fall back onto her pillow, sighing in annoyance. The furs that cover her feel nice on her bare skin.

"I'll go," Clarke speaks a bit sadly.

"No," Lexa finds herself saying. "Stay."

"Lexa…if you're busy…"

"I'm not. You made sure of that," Lexa's words were sharp, but her tone was soft and inviting. Lexa stands, her fur covers wrapped around her, as she lights a few candles. Clarke bites her lip at the sight of Lexa's tan skin glowing from the fire. _Clarke_ feels on fire.

"I thought you said love was weakness?" Clarke steps closer, drawn like a moth to the light as if Lexa were the sun.

"What you witnessed was not love, Clarke," Lexa explains and somehow it brings calmness into Clarke. _Good. _"I must get dressed now," she says, with her words urging the blonde to respectfully look her way but her tone inviting her eyes to remain transfixed where they are.

Clarke bows her head down, hesitantly looking away, though she hears as Lexa shuffles through piles of clothes. An aching grows in her chest, an aching that cannot be satisfied until Clarke glances up again. Lexa is half-dressed now, though more skin is showing than Clarke has ever seen before. Her smooth skin is mesmerizing, proudly wearing signs of battle – scars Clarke wants to trace with her lips – _No, why did I just think that? _Clarke's gaze turns away, back to her feet, until she can feel Lexa in front of her.

"So who is she?" Clarke asks, as she finally looks up to meet Lexa's curious eyes.

"Her name is Cora…Does it bother you, Clarke?" Lexa wonders. "Does it offend you in some way?"

"No, I just… I'm curious." Clarke's heart aches. _Yes, it offends me. _

"If you must know, she is merely one of my pleasure-givers."

"What? Like a sex slave?" Both Clarke's voice and eyes hit Lexa with disgust, which the brunette quickly returns.

"I can assure you that she is not, in any way, a slave to me, Clarke," Lexa spits back. "She has _offered_ her services to me." Clarke scoffs. "And if she _were_ as you call it, a 'sex slave', there would be absolutely no misery in the position. It is both an honor and a privilege to share the bed of the Commander." As soon as she speaks the words, she regrets them.

"You know, what? I'm just going to leave," Clarke says in defeat, in exhaustion, and still in slight disgust.

"Clarke, wait," Lexa's voice softens. "We are both new to each other's ways and customs. For example, it is not usual for a leader to have several pleasure-givers at her command, _entirely willing_ to service them. I assume, by your reaction, that the Sky People do not share this custom."

"Several?" Clarke asks, wondering why that was the word which struck her the most.

"Yes," Lexa replies, eyeing the blonde. "I have seven." _Seven_. Clarke's chest fills with inexplicable rage. Or is it… jealousy?

"Oh," the harsh monosyllable is all Clarke can push through her teeth.

"Why did you come here tonight, Clarke?"

"I couldn't sleep. I kept having these… thoughts." Clarke shakes her head as if trying to shake them out to show Lexa.

"What kind of thoughts?" Lexa asks, stepping closer to Clarke, and the blonde wonders for a moment if Lexa is flirting with her. _I mean, she's probably still horny since I didn't let her finish… _Lexa's lifts her eyebrows, waiting for a response. _She IS pretty hot… _

"Um…" Clarke bites her lower lip, resting her eyes on Lexa's mouth. _No, no. I'm nobody's 'pleasure-giver'._ "About tomorrow," she finally says, catching a small shift in Lexa's eyes, as if she has disappointed her.

"Your plan is a good plan, Clarke. I can assure you that if it wasn't so, I would not have agreed to it," Lexa reassures her.

"It's not perfect."

"No plan is."

"I'm probably just overthinking it," Clarke sighs.

"You must not let this worry consume you, Clarke, much less let it take away your sleep when you are in such desperate need of it," Lexa responds almost coldly. When she sees the frown on the blonde's face and the sadness in her eyes, she makes sure to add, "But we may discuss it, if you'd like. If it may help ease your mind and let you sleep."

"My worries are silly," Clarke smiles sadly, but Lexa still looks at her patiently, waiting for a real answer. "What if Bellamy can't turn off the acid fog?" Lexa nods, looking down for a moment to think.

"Then we must walk into battle dressed accordingly," Lexa suggests. "Can your people not somehow fabricate clothing similar to the kind the Mountain Men wear?"

"Yes, I guess they could pull something together," Clarke nods.

"But Bellamy is an excellent warrior," Lexa adds. "Though I may doubt him at times, I am confident in him now." Clarke nods again and Lexa feels her dissatisfaction. "Is there anything else?"

"What if the Mountain Men have something other than just the acid fog?" Clarke continues.

"Clarke, we have been battling the Mountain Men for nearly a century and we have only seen guns, acid, and missiles." Clarke breaths in deeply, nodding again.

"And…" Clarke turns a bit red.

"Yes, Clarke?" Lexa urges.

"I'm afraid of dying," Clarke reveals softy, ashamed as if it were a crime to want to live. Lexa's eyes grows soft as she steps forward and places a warm hand on Clarke's face. The blonde lean into it for comfort and Lexa gives her a very small smile.

"Our bodies may be temporary, Clarke, but our souls are eternal," Lexa speaks gently. "And even if your body fades away tomorrow, it will be in the noblest way." Clarke leans in closer, Lexa letting her, their noses only an inch away. "Is there anything else?" Her breath is warm and sweet and inviting – it makes Clarke's head spin in lust. She runs a tongue, involuntarily, across her lips, causing Lexa to move her eyes away from Clarke's to stare intently, wantingly at her mouth instead.

"I don't want _you_…" Clarke's voice cracks and Lexa's heart beats harshly in her chest. "…to die." Lexa gave Clarke a small smile, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together.

"My soul…" Lexa begins, but Clarke interrupts her, leaning in for a very soft and very gentle kiss.

"I know," Clarke whispers, but Lexa's mind is so dazed that all she hears is her own heartbeat. "I know that souls are eternal, Lexa. But…" her voice begins to crack again, so Lexa places her other hand on Clarke's face and pulls her in to receive a cute, gentle kiss on the nose. "…But if you leave this body…" Her eyes begin to water and Lexa's eyes grow sympathetic and loving in return. She caresses her face gently, trying to provide the girl with some sort of comfort. "…if you leave this body, Lexa," Clarke repeats, holding out her hand and pressing it on Lexa's chest. She can feel the Commander's heart beating against her palm furiously, making her almost smile, but bringing her own heart to an alarming pace as well. "…How will I ever find you again?" The question is finally asked and Lexa does not wait another second – she pulls her in and kisses her tenderly, as she feels Clarke's tears hit her face.

"My Sky Princess," Lexa whispers into her, in between soft kisses – Clarke cannot believe how hot, how close, how sweet her words taste. "I cannot die tomorrow – not when my soul has not even begun to love you as tenderly and wholly as you deserve to be loved." They pull each other closer, gentle kisses turning harder.

Lexa allows Clarke to push her back against the bed, where she lets herself fall onto the soft furs that cover it. Clarke gets on top, straddling her and running her hands along the brunette's abdomen. Lexa sits up and meets her desperate lips as they both clumsily become half-undressed. Lexa bites down on Clarke's neck, making the blonde woman whimper; as Clarke awkwardly slides her hand into Lexa's underwear.

"_Mmm…" _Lexa moans softly into Clarke's here, her hot breath making Clarke shiver. Clarke pulls Lexa away from her neck to kiss her lips before simply staring, intensely, into the Commander's lustful, desperately needy eyes. "Clarke," she pants, as the blonde keeps sliding her finger's on Lexa's sex, teasingly. Clarke tilts her heads and wonders if she's ever moaned Cora's name. _How many names have you moaned?_ Her fingers start circling tightly around Lexa's clit and the Commander moans out something in Trigedasleng that Clarke cannot understand. _How many people's moans have you caused? _Lexa begins to scratch her nails on Clarke's back, aching for more. "More," she begs. _How many people have you tasted? _Clarke stops. Lexa pants, blind with want for a moment until she can finally speak. "I-is something wrong?" Lexa's breathing is heavy and unsteady, her body throbbing painfully for more release, but her eyes look patient and concerned.

"What are we doing?" Clarke asks finally.

"Do you not want me, Clarke?" Lexa's voice is filled with so much sadness that Clarke feel she might cry.

"I do… but…" Clarke shakes her head, not finding the proper words to say.

"It's okay," is all Lexa can say, and somehow, for Clarke, that does make it okay.

"I just… I never thought you'd see me this way," Clarke says softly, lowering her head. Lexa gives her a small smile and brings a hand to rest on Clarke's face. "It doesn't seem real."

"Clarke, there is no other way I could ever see you. You fell from the _sky_." Lexa's eyes widen at the last word.

"Along with ninety-nine others," Clarke reminds her.

"And yet I only see _you_," Lexa smiles back, leaning in for a kiss but now it is Clarke who pulls her head back.

"And Cora?" Clarke asks, jealously. "And the six others?" Lexa forces down a smile as she looks at an adorably jealous Clarke.

"Clarke of the Sky, my pleasure-givers no longer have purpose; for after the words that have been spoken here tonight, I have realized that – as I had suspected – there is no greater pleasure in this world than being loved by you," Lexa speaks carefully and Clarke blushes.

"Is that why I am to you now? Your new pleasure-giver?" Clarke asks, clearly finding offense where there was none.

"Clarke," Lexa speaks slowly. "What I crave from you goes far beyond mere carnal desires. Do you not trust me?" Clarke looks into her eyes, her worries being washed away by the now tranquil sea that is Lexa's presence in this moment. She thinks of Finn, of Wells.

"I don't know," she replies honestly.

"That's okay," Lexa smiles, leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on Clarke's cheek. "Come here." She brings Clarke into her chest, so is enveloped in warmth and the let themselves fall back onto the bed. Lexa rolls over, placing Clarke directly on the bed, before reaching out for their clothes. She dresses herself, then gently helps Clarke dress herself. As this happens, Clarke looks up in awe, mesmerized by Lexa's beauty, by Lexa's patience, by Lexa's loving nature. "Would you like to sleep here tonight?" Clarke nods. _I really do._ Lexa nods and leans over to blow some candles as Clarke shifts into a comfortable position.

When Lexa leans back onto the bed, she's met by gentle lips. "Thank you," Clarke whispers, before nuzzling into the warmth of Lexa's chest and finally, without preoccupations, falling into deep sleep.

**A/N: I don't know if I want to continue this or if it should just be a one shot, so let me know what you think! **


End file.
